The ability to trust, love and work through arguments is defined early on in childhood.
A mistreated infant becomes a defensive arguer while the baby whose mother was attentive and supportive is able to work through problems with their partner.
Researchers found those children with a secure bond with their mothers were likely to have more successful relationships later on in life
And while attitudes can change with new relationships, old patterns rear up during times of stress.
A team studied 75 children of low-income mothers whom they had been assessing from birth into their early 30s, including their close friends and romantic partners.
The children - now adults - returned regularly for assessments of their emotional and social development.
The researchers focused on their skills and resilience in working through conflicts with school peers, teenage best friends and love partners.
For those without a happy childhood, the survey also found those who were unloved could learn to love later on in life
Professor Jeffry Simpson at the University of Minnesota said: 'It is the first real attachment that people have with another person and because of that it serves as a template for what will happen later in their life span.
'When children are young and their brains are developing they learn a great deal very rapidly so they are more likely to take in a lot of information.
'If you have a secure bond with your mother you are more likely to have a well emotionally regulated and satisfied relationship later on.
'But there are also a number of intervening factors that can affect that and change the way you think about the world.
'Your interpersonal experiences with your mother during the first 12 to 18 months of life predict your behaviour in romantic relationships 20 years later.
'Before you can remember, before you have language to describe it, and in ways you aren’t aware of, implicit attitudes get encoded into the mind about how you’ll be treated or how worthy you are of love and affection.
'There is an organisational view of human social development. People find a coherent, adaptive way, as best as they can, to respond to their current environments based on what’s happened to them in the past. What happens to you as a baby affects the adult you become.'
He added: 'Psychologists started off thinking there was a lot of continuity in a person’s traits and behaviour over time.
The ability to trust, love and work through arguments is developed early on, researchers now say
'We find a weak but important thread between the infant in the mother’s arms and the 20-year-old in his lover’s.
'If you can figure out what those old models are and verbalise them and if you get involved with a committed, trustworthy partner, you may be able to revise your models and calibrate your behaviour differently.
'Old patterns can be overcome. A betrayed baby can become loyal. An unloved infant can learn to love.'
And he said the theory of attachment was far removed from the Oedipus Complex, adding: 'The theory of attachment focuses on how you are treated as supposed to any fantasy. It is focusing on experience.'
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