European Women Marry, Give Hope to Samaritans

European Women Marry, Give Hope to Samaritans — The Samaritans, a rapidly dwindling sect dating to biblical times, have opened their insular community to brides imported from eastern Europe in a desperate quest to preserve their ancient culture.

Five young women from Russia and Ukraine have moved to this hilltop village in recent years to marry local men, breathing new life into the community that has been plagued by genetic diseases caused by generations of intermarriage.

Husni Cohen, a 69-year-old village elder, said the marriages are not ideal, since there is always a risk that the newcomers may decide to leave. But in a community whose population has fallen to roughly 360 people, he saw little choice.

"If this is the only solution to our problem, we must take this road. We Samaritans don't have enough women to marry, so I can't tell our young men not to marry and not to start a family," he said. He warned, however, that if the families don't adhere to the Samaritan religion and traditions, "then our future is in danger."

For Alla Evdokimova, so far, so good. She left Ukraine, married and joined the community two years ago. "I came here and found a big family," said Evdokimova, 26.

 

In this Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2013 photo, Ukrainian Alla Evdokimova, 26, who now goes by name Alaa Altif, displays her wedding album at her home at Mount Gerizim, near the West Bank town of Nablus. Alia emigrated to the West Bank and married Samaritan, Azzam Altif. The Samaritans, a rapidly dwindling sect dating to biblical times, have opened their insular community to brides imported from eastern Europe in a desperate quest to preserve their ancient culture. (AP Photo/Nasser Ishtayeh)

The Samaritans have lived in the Holy Land for thousands of years. They are probably best known for the parable of the Good Samaritan in the New Testament Book of Luke. Samaritans believe themselves to be the remnants of Israelites exiled by the Assyrians in 722 B.C. They practice a religion closely linked to Judaism and venerate a version of the Old Testament, but they are not Jews.

In the fourth and fifth centuries, the Samaritan population is thought to have topped 1.5 million, but religious persecution and economic hardship had nearly erased it by the early 20th century. Today, there are 750 Samaritans — split between communities in the Israeli city of Holon, near Tel Aviv, and near the West Bank city of Nablus on Mount Gerizim, the group's holiest place and site of its yearly Passover sacrifice. The Samaritans, who hold both Israeli and Palestinian residency rights, try to steer clear of politics.

Their numbers have been further reduced by the decision by 10 women in recent years to marry outside the community, resulting in excommunication. Today, males outnumber females roughly three to one.

With a limited pool of potential partners, it is common for Samaritans to marry within their extended families, even first cousins. As a result, Samaritan babies have suffered from birth defects and genetic diseases at a much higher rate than the general population.

Bringing in outsiders, along with advanced genetic testing in Israeli hospitals, have helped reduce what used to be a 15 percent rate of birth defects. Since 1996, only four of 97 Samaritan newborns have had disabilities, community members say.

Samaritans started marrying outside the sect about 40 years ago. In most cases, members of the Holon community found Jewish Israeli partners.

Only recently have the residents of Mount Gerizim looked to Europe. The Samaritans have used a mixture of old and new techniques, turning to matchmakers to find partners, also enlisting Internet services like Skype to get to know them ahead of time.

The women must make a huge commitment. They must accept the community's special dietary rules, such as eating meat slaughtered only by a Samaritan priest, and tough restrictions during their menstrual periods. For seven days, women cannot touch anything in the house, and if a mother comes into contact with her children, she must wash them before their father can touch them. After childbirth, a woman cannot have contact with her husband for 40 days if a boy is born, 80 days for a daughter. On Saturdays, the day of rest, women stay at home while men pray in their synagogues.

Alexandra Kraskuk, 28, was the first to come, making the journey from her native Ukraine 10 years ago. Her husband, Wadah, 50, found her through a Tel Aviv matchmaking service after being unable to find a Samaritan woman. He saw her picture, and then flew to Ukraine to meet her.

Krashuk, who has since changed her name to Shura Altif, said her parents objected to the age difference, but that she decided to take a chance and move to the West Bank. Today, the couple has a healthy 3-year-old son, Eliazar, who they also call Abdul Muin. Samaritans use Hebrew and Arabic names.

Making the transition was a challenge, she said. "There are good things and there are things that are not easy. It's a different life," she said. She said the monthly restrictions on women have been especially difficult. "But I commit to Samaritan traditions," she said. "This is the religion."

Before a prospective bride can join the community, the high priest must approve the marriage. The women must spend several months learning the ancient Torah, the Samaritan holy book which is somewhat different from the Jewish Torah, and other traditions before the ceremony.

In all, five women have arrived over the past decade, finding comfort with one another as their numbers have grown. They join each other on Christmas Eve and New Year's, which are not celebrated by the Samaritans. On sunny days, they travel to Israel together for barbecues.

Evdokimova, who now goes by the name Alaa Altif, is the most recent arrival. She and her 53-year-old husband, Azzam Altif, have a 2-year-old son, Murad. A former bartender in her native Ukraine who occasionally went to church, she said the dramatic change in lifestyle doesn't bother her. While the pair initially required a translator to communicate, Alaa has now learned enough Hebrew to speak directly to her husband. She is also learning Arabic, the language used by Samaritans to speak among themselves.

"The Samaritan holidays are festive, I love this. Saturdays were difficult in the beginning, but in the end, when all the family gathers, it's a nice thing," she said. Since arriving, she has arranged for a friend back home to marry another Samaritan relative of her husband. The wedding is planned for August.

Her husband said Alla's arrival has been a blessing. After failed attempts to find a wife in the Samaritan community, in 2010 he decided to turn to an Israeli matchmaking office, which showed him pictures of women in Ukraine. He traveled to Ukraine with a one-way plane ticket for his future bride, meeting 17 women in 20 days.

"I would take them out for lunch and a drink. I would take each one's address and tell her I'll call her if things work out. My wife was the fifth woman I met, but I set my mind on her, her personality and looks," he said.

Several days later, the couple married in a civil ceremony in Ukraine. Then they returned to the West Bank, where several months later they had a formal religious ceremony recognized by the community.

"Some people were happy. Others said it's hard," he explained. "But there is no other solution. It's either this or I stay a bachelor." ( Associated Press )

Blog : Contents Of Human Life | European women marry, give hope to Samaritans

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Why Some Voices Carry

Why Some Voices Carry - You know that guy with the voice heard 'round the world? The one who — no matter how far away he is — sounds as if he is shrieking directly into your ear? He seems to show up at every party, restaurant and (worst of all) office.

Voices that "carry" contain a pitch of sound that strongly resonates with both the human vocal tract and the human ear, said acoustics expert John Smith, a biophysicist at the University of New South Wales in New Zealand. This piercing pitch, dubbed the "speaker's formant," has a frequency around 3,000 hertz, or 3,000 beats per second

By comparison, most human speech falls in the gentler 80- to 250-hertz (Hz) range.

A human mouth.

How do loudmouthed people generate that much faster and much more earsplitting frequency? Understanding their method requires a short lesson on how speech works.

We generate sound by rapidly vibrating two small flaps of mucous membrane called vocal folds in our voice boxes, Smith said. The back-and-forth motions of these folds interrupt the flow of air from our lungs to create "puffs" of sound. If our vocal folds wiggle back and forth 100 times each second, they produce puffs with a frequency of 100 beats per second (Hz). However, additional motions of the vocal folds, such as collisions with each other, can generate additional frequencies that are multiples of that fundamental frequency: "harmonics" at 200 Hz, 300 Hz, 400 Hz and so on. 

All these frequencies travel together through the vocal tract — the tubelike cavity leading from the voice box up through the throat and mouth to the outside world. Depending on its shape, this tract resonates at certain frequencies, meaning it vibrates in time with them. In the same way that an organ pipe increases the amplitude of the sound waves that travel through it, the resonance of the vocal tract amplifies those resonant frequencies, making them louder.

And that's the trick: Loud talkers have somehow learned to harness the natural resonances of their vocal tracts to pump up the volume of their voices. First, they manipulate their vocal folds to generate a harmonic frequency up around 3,000 Hz. "This could involve using a stronger flow of air from the lungs and controlling the folds so they undergo a motion that results in a sound that is intrinsically richer in harmonics," Smith told Life's Little Mysteries. Most people produce harmonics at much lower frequencies.

Second, they alter the shape of their vocal tract, often narrowing or restricting the tract just above the vocal folds, so that it will resonate at that high frequency, making the high frequency louder. "This increase in sound level occurs in a frequency range where the ear is more sensitive and where background noise is usually reduced," Smith said. "Coupled with any increased harmonic content from the vocal folds, it can produce a large increase in subjective loudness."

Recent and ongoing research by Smith and his colleagues shows that singers make similar adjustments to their vocal tracts in order to project their voices. The scientists have managed to characterize how this is done at different pitches. In a report published in January in the Journal of the Acoustic Society of America, they showed that even trumpet players seem to control their own vocal resonances in order to play very high notes. ( LiveScience.com )

Blog : Contents Of Human Life | The Physics of Loudmouths: Why Some Voices Carry

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Seksualitas Diri

Seksualitas Diri. Memahami Seksualitas Diri. Beruntunglah yang merasa memiliki seksualitas ”normal” dalam arti masuk dalam kelompok mayoritas atau tampil sesuai norma masyarakat. Sebenarnya ada banyak variasi dalam masyarakat yang perlu kita pahami, kadang untuk lebih mengerti diri sendiri, atau untuk lebih dapat memanusiakan manusia lain yang berbeda. Minder dan tak mengerti

Cerita B: ”Dari kecil saya minder, pemalu, sering dikerjain sama teman-teman, baik fisik maupun psikis, sehingga cenderung menyendiri sampai sekarang. Dalam keseharian saya bertingkah sebagai laki-laki, tetapi saya terlahir seperti banci dan semua orang berpandangan begitu. Saat dewasa semua orang menyarankan menikah. Orang tak tahu gimana kalutnya aku dan siapa aku sebenarnya. Aku cenderung suka pada laki-laki, tetapi kadang kalau memikirkan ke depan dan norma agama, saya berusaha menekan perasaan itu.

Saya ingin menikah, hidup normal, punya keluarga kecil yang bahagia. Permasalahannya, apa ada yang mau menerima keadaanku sebenarnya. Saya terbiasa onani, untuk menikah jelas tak mungkin, berhubungan dengan sesama jenis juga tak mungkin karena saya takut norma agama dan cemoohan orang. Apa lagi saya hidup di desa yang masyarakatnya belum bisa menerima orang dengan kelainan seperti saya.

Permasalahan lain muncul, sekarang saya sering buang air kecil, kadang sampai keluar sedikit di celana. Kadang kalau pas mengobrol sama teman dan mereka mencemooh banci, saya pilu.

Mohon saran, apakah saya harus menikah dan bagaimana mengatasi seringnya muncul rasa tak nyaman berada di keramaian, misalnya saat kondangan atau pertemuan? Apakah onani berbahaya bagi kesehatan?”

Sesungguhnya cukup banyak remaja dan orang muda mengalami kebingungan mengenai jati diri dan seksualitasnya. Apakah saya lesbian? Atau biseksual? Mengapa lahir dalam tubuh perempuan, padahal jiwa saya laki-laki?

Karena tubuh sempurna diidealkan, kadang rendah diri juga terkait kondisi tubuh. Misalnya, ”Saya laki-laki mengapa badan sangat kecil dan kerempeng?” Kegalauan itu dapat sangat menyakitkan dan membingungkan, seperti kata B, ”terasa pilu”. Sayang ada terlalu banyak pandangan normatif yang mudah mengotak-kotakkan, terlalu cepat menghakimi dan menghukum, yang sama sekali tidak menyelesaikan persoalan.

Variasi seksualitas

Barangkali keragaman manusia, termasuk dalam seksualitas, adalah fitrah. Kinsey dkk dalam penelitian klasiknya (1953) menemukan kontinum ketertarikan seksual manusia, mulai yang eksklusif heteroseksual, hingga eksklusif homoseksual, dengan banyak variasi di tengah. Meski dilakukan lebih dari 50 tahun lalu, penelitian ini masih sangat relevan, bahkan makin dikuatkan temuan-temuan lain pada masa kini.

Berbagai kajian ilmiah menemukan peran faktor genetik, neurobiologis dan sosial-psikologis, secara bersama atau sendiri. Hal itu dapat membantu lebih memahami keragaman seksualitas manusia, sekaligus meminimalkan stigma. Bila dulu homoseksualitas dianggap gangguan kejiwaan, Manual Penggolongan Gangguan Jiwa Asosiasi Psikiater Amerika dan digunakan banyak profesional kesehatan mental berbagai negara, termasuk Indonesia, kini tidak lagi mendiagnosisnya sebagai gangguan.

Kecuali individu itu sendiri menghayati tekanan sangat berat akibat keadaannya dan ingin mengubah diri. Selain itu, ada pula fenomena identitas jender minoritas, seperti laki-laki yang merasa terperangkap dalam badan perempuan atau sebaliknya. Juga ada anomali seksual, misalnya genitalia interseks yang tentu berdampak pada penghayatan psikologis manusia.

Bahagia meski ”berbeda”

Kembali ke kegalauan B. B sendiri yang dapat memutuskan apakah akan menikah atau tidak. Bila Anda merasa fitrah tertarik sama besar pada perempuan dan laki-laki, atau masih dapat belajar mencintai perempuan, barangkali dapat memutuskan menikah. Bila tidak, memaksa diri menikah malah menambah banyak masalah. Pada akhirnya manusia tidak dapat membohongi diri sendiri. Pula secara etis kita perlu jujur dan terbuka kepada (calon) pasangan mengenai karakteristik diri.

Tentang onani, secara psikologis kita semua makhluk seksual juga yang memiliki hasrat seksual. Jadi, hal tersebut manusiawi saja, juga lebih aman bagi diri sendiri maupun orang lain. Bayangkan bila karena tidak ada pasangan seksual kita lalu berhubungan dengan sembarang orang, atau malah melakukan kekerasan seksual kepada pihak lain. Bukankah itu lebih berbahaya dan merugikan? Walau demikian, B perlu merefleksi, apakah tindakannya telah berlebihan dan menjadi bentuk pelarian diri. Segala yang berlebihan berdampak kurang baik.

Klein (1990) mendefinisikan orientasi seksual lebih luas, luwes, sekaligus inklusif. Orientasi seksual mencakup banyak hal, ketertarikan seksual, fantasi seksual, gaya hidup, preferensi emosional, preferensi sosial, hingga ke identifikasi diri. Konsep ini memberi banyak pilihan bagi manusia menyesuaikan diri dalam norma masyarakat sekaligus tetap mengakui keunikan pribadi. Misalnya, tidak menikah dan mentransformasi ketertarikan romantis menjadi hubungan persahabatan. Bila perlu, individu interseks dapat menjalani operasi organ seksual seandainya membantu ketenangan diri.

Seksualitas manusia sangat kompleks, yang tidak dapat kita diskusikan tuntas dalam ruang terbatas ini. Menjadi homoseksual, biseksual, atau heteroseksual tidak bicara apa-apa tentang baik-buruk, benar-salah, atau martabat. Singkat kata, nilai manusia jauh melampaui identitas seksualnya. Meski harus melalui perjalanan jauh lebih sulit dan lama, semoga yang merasa berbeda juga dapat menerima diri serta menemukan kebahagiaan dan makna kehadiran kemanusiaannya. / kompas.com

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Saudi women: Pampered or oppressed?

Saudi women: Pampered or oppressed? - Samar Badawi, a 30-year-old mother of one, has served seven months in jail. Her crime? Disobeying her father.

Badawi, 30, fell foul of Saudi Arabia's guardianship laws, which require women to gain permission from their father, husband or even adult son for many daily activities.

In a case that was highlighted by Human Rights Watch, Badawi was physically abused by her father from the age of 14 after her mother died of cancer.

At the age of 25, she decided to "stand up for herself" and ran away to a women's shelter.

She was jailed for seven months after her father brought a "disobedience" case against her and she refused to return to his home.

Samar Badawi, pictured, served seven months in jail for refusing to return to her abusive father. She fell foul of Saudi Arabia's guardianship laws but was released after an online campaign.

Badawi was released last year after an online campaign, and eventually got a ruling to transfer her guardianship to her uncle.

She also successfully filed a suit against her father's refusal to allow her to marry.

"I went in a broken woman," she said. "I was very hurt when I went to prison. But I came out victorious and was very proud of myself that I was able to handle those seven months. It wasn't easy."

Badawi added: "When I was alone, I would remember the injustice, from my father, from the judge who was horrible to me.

"I would remember my son. I would remember how even society didn't spare me -- I was insulted a lot and despite the insults, I stayed quiet, I didn't respond. In these moments I would cry."

Despite her own trauma, Badawi does not call for a change in the law, but rather for better awareness.

"Our laws are fair, very fair," she said. "If not for the law, I would not have been able to escape the difficult situation I was in.

"The problem is that there is no legal culture here. Women here, from various backgrounds, aren't aware of their rights, there is no awareness.

"That's why I wish that law would be taught in schools from an early age."

Badawi was presented with an International Women of Courage award by U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama and U.S. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton on March 8. Presented annually, the award recognizes women who have show exceptional courage and leadership in advocating for women's rights.

Women's rights is a hot issue in Saudi Arabia, and there is a surprising range of views, from both women and men.

Aside from the guardianship laws, women are not allowed to drive, an issue that grabbed headlines around the world last year when many women challenged the law by getting behind the wheel.

One of those was Najla Hariri, who drove her son to school one day after her driver failed to show up for work.

She continued to do so several times after that, but can no longer drive after she and her husband were both forced to sign legal pledges that she would not drive again.

"What is more upsetting to me than having to sign the pledge is that my 'guardian' was summoned," she said. "I reject the whole idea of his being my 'guardian' because I'm a 47-year-old woman, I should be my own guardian."

For Hariri, there is far more to campaign for than driving.

"Saudi women are facing many problems -- divorced women, women in judicial limbo, women who have been abused, issues with inheritance distribution -- we have many problems.

"So we started calling for the establishment of a 'personal status law' to protect these rights," she added.

Hariri said the rights she wants are those already given to women in the Quran and the Sunna, the teachings of Prophet Mohammed.

But not everyone agrees. Rawda Al Youssef runs a campaign called "My Guardian Knows What's Best For Me" in favor of the controversial system.

She argues that Saudi women are lucky to be looked after and that guardianship reinforces the family as a foundation of society.

"The relationship between men and women inside the family is a complementary relationship and not an equal relationship," said Al Youssef. "The man serves the woman and supervises her affairs inside the home and outside the home."

For Al Youssef, women who campaign for more rights are a pampered minority with no real problems.

"Saudi women -- specifically those who are talking about women's rights -- these come from a social class that is well-off and pampered.

"Bring me a poor woman who talks about these things and I'll say ok, maybe she needs this, but those who talk about women's rights ... these are women who have everything they need and all they're missing is to be able to take their passport and travel as they want, or to drive a car.

"They didn't think about the needs of the poorer class."

While Al Youssef believes there is no appetite from either King Abdullah or society at large for greater women's rights, Samar Fatany is convinced of the opposite.

Fatany, a radio journalist and writer on women's issues who was one of the first women employed in government 30 years ago, believes change will be inevitable, though gradual.

"I think Saudi women really have a great opportunity and a window for change and progress that we really need to take advantage of," she said.

"I think King Abdullah has been a great supporter of women, he has been the champion of women and as a result the whole nation has changed and given great support to women."

Fatany added: "It takes an educated person to know a different way of life, that it doesn't have to be that way.

"If you are a person who is isolated and this is a lifestyle that you know, it doesn't occur to you that there's another way, that you don't have to accept that. This doesn't have to do with religion.

"It is not un-Islamic to drive, it's is not un-Islamic to work, it is not un-Islamic to demand for your rights."

Cleric Sheikh Adnan Bahareth, who insisted on being interviewed over the phone because he did not want to appear on camera with a woman, argued that Saudi women were lucky not to have to drive.

"Men are slaves for women today," he said.

Sheikh Bahareth said if women could drive: "It will add more tasks on a woman's shoulder. She will have to go to the souk on her own, she will have to get the food, she will have to drive the kids to and from school.

"We want to lessen these burdens on the women." ( cnn.com )

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25 Ways to Say 'I Love You' to Teens

25 Ways to Say 'I Love You' to Teens - Often in the hustle and bustle of life, people go day-to-day working on tasks and forgetting to tell those around them how they feel. Parents of teens - myself included - find this problem sneaks up and surprises them. It happens because teens are independent and don't really need us to perform their daily tasks in the way they did when they were little children, so they slip under the radar.

Therefore, it is important for us to make a point of remembering to connect with our teens. Whether you have to mark your planner or just make it a good habit, the effort will be worth it. To get you started, here is a list of twenty-five ways to say 'I Love You' to teens, try one tonight.

Express your love for your teen by saying:

• 1. I love you.
• 2. You are precious to me.
• 3. I'm blessed to have you in my life.
• 4. You simply amaze me.
• 5. You are priceless.
• 6. You bring joy to my life.
• 7. I appreciate you.
• 8. You are important to me.
• 9. I'm thankful for you.
• 10. You're one in a million.

Or do something for your teen:

• 11. Write a poem.
• 12. Send an email.
• 13. Post one of the above expressions on Facebook or MySpace.
• 14. Send your teen a text message.
• 15. Make their favorite snack.
• 16. Make their favorite meal.
• 17. Make a Valentine’s Day recipe.
• 18. Spend time with your teen.
• 19. Clean your teen's room.
• 20. Do one of their chores.
• 21. Give your teen a hug and kiss.
• 22. Listen to them.
• 23. Hide candy hearts under their pillow.
• 24. Go to their sporting, club or youth group events.
• 25. Surprise your teen with something they've wanted. ( about.com )
  

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Decoding Women's Body Language

Decoding Women's Body Language - Unlike women, who are adept at the art of prevarication, most men say what they mean and mean what they say. Their speech is straightforward and to the point. Women, on the other hand, are generally more complex and subtle, especially when it comes to conversation. That's why being able to interpret women's body language is vitally important.

Believe it or not, women are constantly giving out very obvious signals as to how they're feeling through their body language. The trick is to decode these signals, which is especially useful at the pickup stage when you don't know each other very well.

Check out the physical cues listed below to learn just what her eyes and hips are saying even if her lips are mute.

Flirtatiousness

Women who are trying to get a man's attention are easy to point out, even from across the room; virtually every aspect of their body language changes drastically. For starters, they lean toward the man they are trying to attract and they frequently make eye contact. They laugh more often than usual and smile constantly, regardless of whether or not the guy is funny. They chew on their lips and their faces are more animated.

Flirtatious women also tend to fidget more. For example, they might fiddle with their jewelry, twisting rings and tugging at necklaces. This is due to nervous excitement; because their hearts are beating a little faster than usual, they need some sort of outlet for their tension.

They may also play with their hair or place their hands on themselves in some small but unusual way, which is an unconscious signal that they wish the object of their desire was touching them that way. 

How you should react: If the woman in your sights is exhibiting most or all of the classic flirtatious signs listed above, you are right to feel confident about your chances and just sail in. Basically, her actions have just given you the green light.

Lust

Lust body signals are the same as flirtation signals, but they're ramped up a couple of notches. Just imagine Beyonce in any music video and you'll get the idea. Eye contact is increased and prolonged, and dilated pupils indicate arousal.

Striking sassy poses -- with hips and chest out -- is a dead giveaway. Naturally, this overt behavior usually occurs in a private or sexually charged situation -- like at a club.

Also, notice if she is breathing more heavily, which is indicative of desire. For example, does she breathe deeply when you're only inches away from each other at the theater, occasionally brushing each other? She may also try to touch you under any pretext.

How you should react: She's ready, so respond in kind. Ease yourself into more intimacy by reciprocating her actions, increasing eye contact and making excuses to touch her -- at first casually, and then with more intensity if she doesn't pull away.

Disinterest

Physical signs revealing a lack of interest are pretty much the exact opposite of signs of flirtatiousness. For example, if your date keeps looking away while you speak to her and rarely smiles, she's probably not interested.

Other signs of disinterest may include leaning away from you or crossing her arms. Obviously, by crossing her arms in front of herself, she is strongly indicating that she is physically and mentally closed to your gestures.

How you should react: There's really little point in pursuing this cold fish. It wouldn't hurt to give a couple of tries at flirtation to see if she can be thawed. However, 9 times out of 10, she's just not feeling it, so don't bother putting too much effort into this one before throwing in the towel.

Feeling conflicted

If women are unsure of your intentions or their feelings toward you, they give off signs that they are feeling conflicted and indecisive. To match their inconsistent feelings, their bodies give off inconsistent signals -- combinations of the flirtatious signals and the disinterested ones discussed above.

For example, they might stare at you, and then abruptly turn around and look away. Maybe they'll lean in toward you, but when you move in slightly to match their actions, they'll act as if they've suddenly changed their mind and shyly ease back in their seat. This means that they aren't yet sure what they think of you.

How you should react: In these situations, don't force the matter. Move slowly, being consistently friendly, but don't be too flirtatious or overtly sexual. Give her time to warm up to you.

Anger

Most people can recognize anger when they see it, but there are types of rage that are less obvious than a screaming fit. There is also the icy-cold burn, which is revealed through a narrowing of the eyes and a tightly closed mouth. This can be accompanied by a head tilt and tightly clenched or closed fists. She may also cross her arms as in the disinterested pose, but when she's angry, it's more pronounced. If her hands are placed on her hips, it's a very, very bad sign.

Unlike the types of body language listed above, this type of behavior usually occurs during the dating stage, not the pickup -- you couldn't possibly have pissed her off already, right? However, you may get a taste of it in the early stages as well. At this point, realize that it's not about you; it's about someone or something else that has happened to her.

How you should react: An already miffed woman tends to be disinterested and unresponsive. She's not a prime candidate for the hookup if her thoughts are still on the traffic ticket she just picked up five minutes ago. Wait for time or other people to gradually defuse her rage, and then consider going in for the kill.

Interpreting mixed signals

Remember that women often give out mixed signals. For example, some women use sarcasm and put-downs to flirt with men even when they're interested in them. If a woman is insulting you with her words, but she's displaying all the physical signs of flirtation, she's probably into you.

Remember: Body language speaks louder than words. Watch her moves carefully and act accordingly. ( foxnews.com )

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Obama's Memories as A Young Boy in Menteng Dalam

Obama's Memories as A Young Boy in Menteng Dalam — Barack Obama marveled at the sights and sounds — the rickshaws, the cramped taxis — still vivid in his memories of boyhood in this Asian nation. More than four decades later, the president said it was “a little disorienting” to see the sprawling, built-up capital. A shopping mall built in 1962, now dwarfed by glitzy high-rises, was the only building on Jakarta’s skyline he recognized, Obama said Tuesday.

The bicycle rickshaws that plied the streets when he lived here in the 1960s were nowhere to be seen as the president’s limousine hurried along routes cleared for his motorcade — though he still said “my understanding is that Jakarta traffic is pretty tough.” In fact, Jakarta has changed, even as Obama’s own circumstances have dramatically altered since the days he played and studied in a humble neighborhood here.

US President Barack Obama smiles from inside the presidential car as he leaves the Halim Perdanakusuma military airport in Jakarta on November 9, 2010. US President Barack Obama finally made a much-delayed homecoming of sorts to Indonesia November 9, seeking to engage Muslims and cement strategic relations on the second leg of his Asia tour.

“As a young boy in Menteng Dalam 40 years ago, I could never imagine that I would one day be hosted here,” Obama told Indonesia’s president during toasts at the state palace, referring to the area he lived in as a child. “Never mind as president of the United States. I didn’t think I would be stepping into this building, ever.”

Obama moved here in 1967 at age 6 after his divorced mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, remarried an Indonesian man who moved the family to Jakarta. She stayed on after the marriage broke up, working as an anthropologist and development aid worker, but Obama returned to Hawaii when he was 10 to live with his grandparents.

Obama indulged in some wistfulness about the changes, both to Jakarta and himself, since those days. “When you visit a place that you spent time in as a child as president, it’s a little disorienting,” the president said at a news conference.

When he arrived here as a boy, people rode about on bicycle rickshaws called becaks, and on crowded little taxis called bemos, the president said, seeming to relish pronouncing the Indonesian words of his youth. “The landscape has changed completely,” Obama said.

“And now as president, I can’t even see any traffic because they block off all the streets.” Obama arrived in Indonesia Tuesday and was leaving Wednesday, a brief but long-awaited visit cut even shorter because of the threat to air traffic from volcanic ash spewed by Mount Merapi.

Two previously scheduled visits had been canceled, first because of final negotiations on the health care bill and then because of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Those repeat cancellations and the brevity of Obama’s stay somewhat dampened Indonesians’ once sky-high enthusiasm about welcoming their native son.

Nonetheless, people throughout this vast nation of 17,000 islands gathered around television sets Tuesday to watch Air Force One touch down, and the president and first lady emerge into the hot, humid afternoon. And President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono seemed as eager as Obama to evoke the U.S. president’s childhood here, and take note of the alterations the years have made.

“Your excellency must have felt the difference in Jakarta when you arrived this afternoon,” Yudhoyono told Obama at the state dinner, as the president looked on with a smile.

“You didn’t see any paddy fields in the middle of the city, or see fields where you might have played soccer and flown kites in the past,” Yudhoyono said.

“You didn’t see pets like monkeys and infant crocodiles like your excellency might once have had in your home in Jakarta.”

Yudhoyono also extolled Obama’s mother, who died in 1995, and he presented Obama with a medal on her behalf. Though he lives halfway around the world now, the president sought to assure Indonesians that he wanted to keep the country of his youth close to him and his family.

It was first lady Michelle Obama’s first trip here, and the president said he would like to return one day with daughters Sasha and Malia.

Said the president: “I promise that it won’t take so long before I come back.” ( Associated Press )

READ MORE - Obama's Memories as A Young Boy in Menteng Dalam

Study Reveals Risky Sex Behavior among NYC Teens

Study Reveals Risky Sex Behavior among NYC Teens - Many Students Report Encounters with Both Sexes, Even If they Identify as Straight, Prompting Focus on Behavior, Not Identity

Nearly one-tenth of sexually active New York City high school students say they have had at least one same-sex partner, and teens who say they've had sexual contact with both sexes report higher-than-average rates of dating violence, forced sex and risky sexual behavior, a new study says.

The study published Monday in the journal Pediatrics analyzed 17,220 public health surveys and found that more than a third of teens who had same-sex encounters identified themselves as straight. Advocates said the results point to the need for public health messages to target behavior, not identity.

It's troubling, though not surprising, that the youths who reported encounters with both sexes also had higher rates of risky behavior and violence, said Dr. Susan Blank, assistant commissioner of the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.

"It has been shown in the literature that students who have both male and female partners have a lot of adverse health problems," she said.

The report is based on surveys administered in New York City high schools in 2005 and 2007. The Youth Risk Behavior Survey is distributed every two years by the health department to a representative sampling of city high schools.

Of the students who completed the survey, 7,261 said they had had sexual intercourse. The survey asked questions including the number of sex partners in the teen's lifetime, as well as in the previous three months, and whether there was a history of forced sex or dating violence.

Among the sexually active males, 93.1 percent said they had had sexual contact only with female partners, 3.2 percent said they'd had contact only with other males, and 3.7 percent said they'd had both male and female partners.

Among the sexually active females, 88.1 percent said they'd had sex only with males, 3.2 percent said they'd had only female partners and 8.7 percent said they'd had partners of both sexes.

Of all the sexually active teens, 9.3 percent reported at least one same-sex partner.

Study author Preeti Pathela, a research scientist at the health department, said that there are no comparable national numbers but that other states have reported lower numbers of teens who have had partners of the same or both sexes.

Students also were asked whether they considered themselves straight, gay or lesbian, bisexual, or "not sure." Of the teens with at least one same-sex partner, 38.9 percent answered "heterosexual or straight."

Other studies have shown a similar divergence between behavior and sexual identity, but Blank said this study provides a reminder that "our public health prevention messages really need to look at behavior, not identity."

The study found that teens who reported partners of both sexes also reported higher-than-average rates of risky sexual practices, such as not using a condom during intercourse, as well as higher rates of partner violence and forced sex.

Of the girls with both male and female partners, 35.8 percent said they had experienced dating violence in the previous year. Of the boys with both male and female partners, 34.8 percent reported it in the previous year.

Far lower percentages of teens with only male or only female partners answered yes to the question about dating violence.

Of the males who reported both male and female partners, just 44.1 percent said they'd used a condom during their last sexual encounter.

The percentages for condom use during their last sex were 79.8 for males with only female partners and 62.3 for males with only same-sex partners.

Laura Lindberg, senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute, which focuses on sexual and reproductive health issues, said the teens with male and female partners "are obviously facing challenges."

"These are kids in New York City where there's more awareness and perhaps acceptance of non-heterosexual behavior, and you're still finding such high reports of risk behavior and violence," Lindberg said.

Thomas Krever, executive director of the Hetrick-Martin Institute, a youth advocacy organization that runs an alternative high school for gay teens in New York City, said the survey results did not surprise him.

Many teens with partners of both sexes lack supportive adults and peers in their lives and may experience depression because social stigma, Krever said.

"Young people who are exhibiting characteristics of depression and lower self-worth can indeed place themselves in more risky situations including risky sexual practices," he said.

Blank, who heads the health department's efforts to fight sexually transmitted diseases, said teens need to get the message that help is available.

She said health department clinics will test anyone over 12 for sexually transmitted diseases free of charge. ( Associated Press )

READ MORE - Study Reveals Risky Sex Behavior among NYC Teens

Tips On How To Find A Good Wife

Tips On How To Find A Good Wife - Life was never so boring and the nights roll away without any fun and meaning. Every day, as you return back from your office, you return back to the same routine. A quick bite of a snack followed by some coffee is the first task after you return back home. It is a real pain to go to the kitchen to make some coffee. You envy most of your colleagues who are far better off since they are married and do not face this problem. They are married and their wives are there to look after these trivial chores. You too want to marry but the problem is how to find a good wife.

There is no doubt about the fact that you are smart and handsome and earn a good sum of money through your 9 to 5 work. After returning home you also manage to find time to do work from home… after all there is nothing else to do and you have all the spare time in the world… and that helps you to earn another decent sum per month. But what is the value of such money if there is nobody to share it with? What is the fun of life if there is nobody awaiting you at home, ready to hug you the moment you enter and give you a loving kiss? If only you too were married. For a long time you have thought about getting married, but the problem of how to find a good wife has always created barriers in your path.


However, you should not be duly worried since there are many more like you, who too are facing this same problem and they also do not know how to find the right girl. Like you, they also keep on brooding after they return back home and spend life as miserably like you. It seems that hours have passed away when in reality just a few minutes have passed since you started watching TV. There is no fun doing anything else and what is the use of relaxing in bed when you are not sharing it with someone else? These issues cause you to suffer from sleepless nights and you keep on shifting from one end of the bed to other. You have to find out how to find a good wife before you really go crazy.


You need not be worried, since there are many online sites that will help you to find the perfect match for you. These sites provide the perfect answer to your how to find a good wife problem. If you browse through these sites, you will find the perfect programs available that will help you to find the perfect match of your life. You can now say goodbye to your boredom and be assured that very soon, there will be someone to share that cup of coffee with you. ( mierue.com )

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Facebook's Privacy Settings: 5 Things You Should Know

Facebook's Privacy Settings: 5 Things You Should Know. Facebook has begun rolling out its new privacy settings to all of its 350 million users. If you haven't seen it already, you will soon have to go through a wizard that will guide you through the process of confirming your privacy settings.

The new settings are supposed to make it easier and simpler to control your information, but the changes are drawing a mix of criticism and praise from privacy watchdogs such as the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), the American Civil Liberties Union of Northern California (ACLU), and the Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC).

Facebook's new privacy settings are drawing a mix of praise and criticism. Here are five privacy issues you should know about. (Adrian Wyld/The Canadian Press/AP Photo)

The new privacy controls include some great changes, and some not-so-great changes, but here are five privacy issues you should know about as these settings roll out across Facebook.

Search Settings

When I checked my search settings this morning, the option to index my profile by public search engines had been turned on. This is despite the fact that I had explicitly turned off this setting when Facebook launched public search listings two years ago.

If you don't want search engines like Google and Bing to index your profile, do yourself a favor and make sure those settings are still set the way you want them to be.

To adjust your search privacy settings click on Settings>Privacy Settings>Search. If the "Allow indexing" box is checked then search engines will be able to index your information.

Password Protection Layer: Not So Good

Facebook has added a new layer of protection for changing your privacy settings. Under the new policy you will have to enter your password whenever you want to change your privacy settings. This is a smart move, and quite a common policy with other Web services.

But in my tests, this extra protection did not work very well at all. Once I had chosen to exclude my Facebook profile from public search engines, I left my privacy settings page and returned to my profile (your settings are saved automatically).

But when I went back to my privacy settings, the pages were wide open with no password requirement. I tested this out on several browsers and operating systems, I also signed out and back in several times to see if that would change anything.

But each time I checked my security settings were wide open. The password protection eventually came back after half an hour or so, but that was far too long. The password requirement should come back automatically or Facebook should be telling you that this setting is set to time out.

Publicly Available Information (PAI) Changes

Facebook is also changing what it deems to be publicly available information (PAI), with almost no recourse for the user to control this--a change that does not sit well with the EFF.

Information under the PAI umbrella includes your profile picture, friends list (Facebook says the view friends link has been removed from search results), fan pages, gender, geographic region, and networks (school, work, etc.). There is almost no recourse to protect any of this information.

To illustrate how important this setting could be, the EFF points out that you may belong to a fan page that supports or condemns gay marriage. Since this is such a controversial issue, that may be a position you are not willing to share with co-workers, fellow church members, or other Facebook friends.

Friends List

Although your friends list is technically under the PAI umbrella, you can still control who sees it. But controls for this information are found on your Facebook profile page -- not your privacy settings.

If you want to restrict who sees your friends list within Facebook, click on the pencil icon next to your Friends widget below your profile picture, and uncheck the box that says "Show my friends on my profile."

Other information you can remove from your profile page includes your gender and current city.

Hyper Control

While Facebook is taking away some control over publicly available information, you are getting extreme control over other parts of your Facebook profile. Now you can restrict who sees your shared content on a per-post basis.

Don't want certain friends to see your latest update? No problem.

Need to keep those photos of you at the bar away from your co-workers? You can do that too.

Facebook's New Privacy Settings Are a Mixed Bag

Facebook's new privacy settings are a mixed bag of better and simpler controls over some information, while loosening the restrictions on others.

Of course, if you don't want some of that information to appear, you can always delete it from Facebook (you cannot delete your gender, but you can make it invisible).

Facebook's privacy controls may not be perfect, but they will urge users to think even harder about what they're sharing on Facebook, and ultimately that may be a good thing. ( abcnews )

READ MORE - Facebook's Privacy Settings: 5 Things You Should Know

Tips to woo women in style!

Tips to woo women in style!. Though a tad coquettish, the lady standing across the hall has been giving you ‘the eye’. Not only is she gorgeous, people around her seem enthralled by her intelligence too. The flirt in you takes over, but how do you make the first move? Hear it from Milind Soman, a connoisseur of sorts, on attracting the girl of your current dreams.

CLEAR INTENTIONS

Earlier, I used to get carried away easily. While never intending to be unfaithful to my girlfriend, I would go ahead and flirt with other women. This would upset my girlfriend, but now I’ve realised that I showed complete lack of respect towards her feelings. While flirting is fun, it is best to know your own intentions because someone else’s feelings are involved. If you initiate, also know where to finally draw the line by subtly communicating your intentions to the other. Both you and your flirting partner may be in relationships. If you don’t want to jeopardise yours, the truth needs to come out. Without sounding defensive, let her know that though you are flirting, you’re well grounded in your relationship.

SLOW AND STEADY

The fun is in the anticipation, in watching how long the undercurrents last. Long chats over the internet or SMSes prior to meeting the person heighten that sense of thrill. You can’t add chronology to flirting but for starters, if you find someone attractive, start with eye contact. Be conscious of your body language and if a conversation follows, never intrude her personal space. Let things take their own course.

HONESTY helps

The only error in judgment that the other person might make is in understanding how far you will go, if the flirting takes on a sexual overtone. Erroneous judgments aren’t completely unavoidable. While the fun lies in fooling each other about what will happen next, don’t get personal. If she snubs you, a quick remedy is offering personal information, which will put her at ease because you’d seem vulnerable then. Honesty sets the power equations straight.
Alternately, if someone comes on to you too fast and makes you uncomfortable, understand her intentions. If the “transgressor” is smart with the response, trust me, it’ll only make things more interesting!

LET YOUR EYES TALK

Eye contact is the first step. It should ideally communicate only a definite appreciation of the other and tempt her to respond. At times, the language of your eyes and expressions is so telling that a conversation seems redundant. Wit and a greater understanding of each other’s minds takes flirting to another level.

Body contact follows next. But, it’s very difficult to have innocuous or non-sensual body contact. A pat on the shoulder is seemingly neutral, but it doesn’t take long to reach the woman’s hair or neck. Move ahead only when both people can handle the excitement of casual body contact. A phrase like ‘flirting with danger’ exists for obvious reasons!

SPONTANEITY ace

Nowadays, it would not be taken amiss if you suggested you should meet again. When in a good mood, I flirt with people spontaneously. To me, flirting has no obvious or necessary sexual connotations. I can flirt with anyone; age is of no consequence because flirting is all about feeling good about yourself and attempting to mirror that feeling in others around you. Who cares about society? Life is too short. If you like somebody, show it! ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Tips to woo women in style!

Pros and Cons of Career Coaches

Pros and Cons of Career Coaches. Guidance can be helpful, but job seekers have to take charge of own path. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone tell you what to do with your career? Someone who can make job-hunting decisions for you when you are laid off or looking to switch your line of work?

Unfortunately, this person does not exist.

I'm telling you this because lately some of you have been hiring or looking to hire so-called career coaches with the idea that they can help you find career nirvana.

Such coaches can be helpful in offering career guidance, but you need to beware of scammers and individuals promising you a quick path to the perfect job. And keep in mind that pretty much anyone can become a career coach since there is no mandatory credentialing or governing body keeping tabs on these people.

Lack of oversight and the tough job market seem to be fueling a coaching explosion. The International Coach Federation -- based in Lexington, Ky., and one of the largest coaching associations -- has seen its membership skyrocket in the last 10 years, from 2,100 in 1999 to 17,700 today. Membership last year was 15,800, up from 13,400 in 2007.

With the jobless rate at a 26-year high, many workers in today's economy are looking for a little hand-holding, and some career coaches are capitalizing on that, says Ben Dattner, a New York-based management consultant and adjunct professor at New York University.

"They represent themselves as empathetic listeners, the cure-all panacea," he says. "But it's a little bit of a bait and switch."

To get hired, he says, coaches represent themselves as having the ability to find answers. "But when they're in the room with you, you realize they can only help generally by asking questions."

Buyer's remorse

Given the elusive nature of the industry, there are few if any numbers on how many individuals are working with career coaches today. But the number of inquiries at the Better Business Bureau into firms that come under the self-improvement training and career-counseling umbrella jumped 10.5 percent in 2008 to 48,842, according to Alison Southwick, a spokeswoman for the agency. Total number of complaints filed against companies in these categories was 431 last year.

"We have some concerns with this type of company, but for the most part the complaints are buyer's remorse," says Jane Driggs, president of the BBB in Utah. "The consumer pays thousands of dollars and then realizes that it isn't as easy as they thought it looked."

One particular firm, the Coaching Institute Inc. based in Draper, Utah, had more than 80 complaints alone, including everything from service to billing to contract issues. (The company's Web site, www.coaching-institute.com, is not working and the phone number for the firm is perpetually busy.)

Terry Anderson, a real-estate agent in St. Petersburg, Fla., went to a free coaching seminar sponsored by the Coaching Institute and felt pressured to sign up for $3,000 worth of coaching services.

"They said I'd have two weeks to decide if I wanted to go ahead with it, but they debited my credit card $1,000 anyway and then came after me for the remaining $2,000," she says.

She refused to pay, and as a result, her credit rating suffered.

While there are pitfalls to look out for, there are also many satisfied coaching customers.

Figuring out a path

Take Bill Glynn, who lost his job as a product manager for a high-tech firm last year. He was very happy with the six months he spent talking to career coach John Bates -- aka the "Job-Guy" -- based out of Mansfield, Mass.

"He helped me explore myself," Glynn says. Bates asked Glynn probing questions and had him take personality tests to figure out what careers would be best for him. "We sat down and chatted and asked 'Who is Bill?' and he took notes."

Glynn paid a fixed fee of $1,000 and spoke with his coach face to face several times over the six months.

As far as figuring out what he wants to do with his career now, Glynn doesn't have an answer. "I'm still evaluating that," he says. But the coach helped him narrow his interests, and he's now leaning toward becoming a mediator, arbitrator or possibly doing something in government.

Despite not having a definitive direction, he's satisfied with his career-coaching experience. "It's like getting a massage," he says. "It's definitely worth getting, but that doesn't mean you won't be getting some back pain later on."

If you think a career coach may be something your career needs right about now, there are a few things to keep in mind.

First, you may be able to get free career coaching through your employer after a layoff. Some career-transition companies, such as outplacement firm Lee Hecht Harrison, offer the service to workers who have been downsized -- and the company doing the downsizing picks up the tab, says Rob Saam, the firm's chief career officer.

He's seeing a growing desire among displaced workers to want to connect with a career coach. "When the job market is hard like this, it's only natural for people to want to reach out and get as much help as they can," he adds.

Check out prospective coach

Also, since there is no governing body for coaches, you'll have to do a lot of legwork before you sign up.

"There is one thing and only one thing people should consider in hiring a coach. Do they get results for their clients?" says Linda Henman, president of consulting firm Henman Performance Group.

A good career coach should be more than willing to give you a list of clients they've worked with. It's also a good idea to check the BBB to see if the individual or company has any complaints filed against them.

You also can check out social networking sites like LinkedIn to find out more about a coach's network, advises coaching veteran Laurence J. Stybel. If they're not part of any networks, that's probably a bad sign, he says.

And beware of big promises.

"No career coach can turn a mediocre career into a meteoric career," he says. "And anyone who says so lies."

"If you are satisfied in paying good money to improve your game by 3 percent, then a competent career coach might be a worthwhile investment," he adds.

You also want to steer clear of developing a dependency on your career coach because you could end up with a lot of bad advice and out a lot of money, maintains NYU's Dattner.

"You have to own it yourself, not have them answer questions for you," he says. "We all try to free ourselves from our parents' backseat driving and break out on our own. Having a surrogate parent telling you what to do is not helpful." ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Pros and Cons of Career Coaches

Six things you should do if an offer is rescinded

You Got the Job! (Just Kidding...). Six things you should do if an offer is rescinded. Marleen Graham has been offered two different jobs in the past few months -- but both offers were retracted.

The first time, she worked for a small consulting firm and the contract for the account she worked was cut short. A couple of days later, the account requested to bring her back on board. After filling out some paperwork, she waited -- and waited, and waited -- to start work again. Two months later, she figured out that the account had imposed a hiring freeze.

The second time, she was told orally that a bank wanted to hire her and that it was a "done deal." She waited two weeks for an offer letter. Finally, Graham received an e-mail stating that the job was placed on hold indefinitely.

"The first time I was very disappointed because I really wanted to return to my contract assignment. The second time I was in disbelief because the vice president told me it was a done deal," Graham says. "I wish that I continued searching for a job while I was waiting for my offer in writing and for the paperwork to be approved. I should have kept my search going so that I could have a fallback plan."

Fired before you're hired

Graham, like many other job seekers, fell victim to a trend that's becoming more common as the economy continues to stagnate. While companies downsize and institute hiring freezes, job seekers are finding start dates pushed back and job offers withdrawn.

"Job offers are rescinded for a variety of reasons. Some [are] external, such as the overall economy, some [are] internal such as a department's funding is cut," says Laura George, author of "Excuse Me, Your Job is Waiting." "There are also times when it's determined that a person is needed but it would be more cost-effective to hire one person to work in two or more departments and spread the costs."

No matter the reason your job offer is repealed, experts agree that you should respond to the situation in a professional manner and get to the bottom of what happened.

"If your offer has been rescinded, you must find out what the exact reasons behind the decision were. Were they economically based or due to a background, drug or reference check?" says Jonathan Mazzocchi, partner and general manager of the New York accountingfinance division of Winter, Wyman. "As hard as it is, gather the facts. Try to separate the people you interviewed with from the organization's decision, and keep all of your interactions professional." and

In Graham's case, for example, when the first offer was revoked, the company never explained what was going on; it just said that the paperwork was in and it was waiting. In the meantime, she lived off her savings and put her job search on hold. The second company, which told her the job was placed on hold "indefinitely," said it would keep her mind for the future, but she hasn't heard anything yet.

"Once I found out that my offer was no longer viable, I quickly started to search for another position, but it was more difficult to find something by that time," she says.

Now what?

Unfortunately, you don't have many legal rights in this situation. Most states have employment-at-will policies, which means employees can be terminated at any time, for any reason. You should think long and hard before pursuing legal action if a job offer is revoked -- litigation costs will be extensive and you will undoubtedly burn bridges with your would-be employer. Consult an HR expert or lawyer in your area about your options.

It's important to handle the situation professionally if you find yourself with a rescinded job offer. Here are six steps you can take to protect yourself:

1. Find out why

Find out the exact reason behind the withdrawn offer. Ask the potential employer if it was something revealed in a reference check or if it had something to do with the economy.

"Let the hiring manager know you are interested in working at the company if there [is] a change of circumstances," George says. "If you really are the best candidate, the hiring manager will contact you when the circumstances change."

2. Be open and honest

"Once you've got a company that wants to hire you, you've cleared the tallest hurdle. How you react [to a rescinded job offer] can determine if that offer might return," says Jim Luzar, president of Sales Consultants of Brookfield, a Wisconsin recruiting firm. "Be open and honest with [the employer] about your situation. If you are still interested in the job, let them know your finances. Can you wait six months to start?"

Or, if you can find a way to earn some money in the interim, let the employer know you will wait for the full-time position.

"If you simply can't wait for the position to reopen, don't be shy about it," Luzar says. "You came looking for a job because you needed one. [Respectfully] tell them, so that if you are looking for a job again in the future, they will still have a high opinion of you."

3. Prepare yourself

"In this economy, expect anything," says Carolyn Dougherty, executive search consultant. Do not stop looking for work until your first day at a new job. Graham says the biggest lesson she learned was that nothing is a done deal until you are sitting in your new office or cubicle.

4. Do your homework

Before accepting a job offer, it's important to evaluate what's been offered. Ask about the employer's financial health and find out if the position is approved, Dougherty suggests. Ask if the company has ever withdrawn an offer and if so, what the company has done in the past. If the withdrawal of a vacant position is a real threat, ask if your offer letter can state what the company will do if the job offer is withdrawn.

5. Negotiate

If you left an old job to work for a new company and your offer was retracted due to the economy, you can try to negotiate unemployment benefits or a severance package from the employer, Mazzocchi says. Or, if you really want this job, you can try negotiating for a lower salary or position. "Some companies may opt to help you out as the right thing to do," he says.

6. Move on

If nothing comes from negotiating with your would-be employer, it's time to move on. Contact companies that have expressed interest in the past and let them know you are still available, suggests Roberta Chinsky Matuson, president of Human Resource Solutions. Whatever you do, resist the temptation to badmouth the organization that pulled back your offer.

In the meantime, Graham keeps busy by continuing her job search, going to school to maintain and enhance her skills, volunteering with nonprofit organizations and growing her own business. ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Six things you should do if an offer is rescinded

Help! My Job Search is Taking Years!

Help! My Job Search is Taking Years!. In May 2008, there were 400,000 discouraged workers, defined as those not looking for work because they thought no jobs were available to them. The average period of unemployment was 17 weeks, and 40 percent of jobless people were without work for less than five weeks. Just 19 percent, or 1.5 million people, were unemployed for more than 27 weeks, according to the most recent data from Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Fast-forward to May 2009: There were 792,000 discouraged workers -- 392,000 more than the year before. The average duration of joblessness was 23.1 weeks, and 23 percent of workers were unemployed for less than five weeks. Fifty percent of people were unemployed for more than 15 weeks and of that, 28 percent, or 3.9 million people, were unemployed for more than 27 weeks.

That means that the number of long-term unemployed people has more than doubled since the start of the recession.

Clearly, periods of joblessness and, in turn, job searches, are taking longer with each passing month. While no interlude of unemployment is easy, the longer a person is unemployed, the harder it can be to find a job. Just ask Christine Wilson.

Wilson, from Littleton, Colo., left her Fortune 500 employer in September 2007 to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a paid writer. She wrote and ghostwrote for various Web sites and, for a while, had great success. Eventually, she realized she needed a stable job and income, so she began job searching.

More than one year later, she remains unemployed.

"Being out of work as long as I have been makes me feel that an employer thinks I am desperate for any job," Wilson says. "Of course, that's not what I try to portray, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that being out of work for a long time puts people into a desperate 'I-need-to-find-any-job-to-pay-my-bills' category."

Disadvantages to a long unemployment

Indeed, the harsh (and unfair) reality is that some employers are dubious of candidates who have been out of work for long periods of time. Claudine Vainrub, principal of EduPlan, a careers and educational consulting firm, says employers might think the candidate isn't proactive enough in his job search, isn't motivated or has a losing attitude.

"Companies consider that as time passes, the job seeker gets more and more disconnected with his or her industry, duties and [they lose] valuable career growth time," Vainrub says. "[They might] sense that if the seeker is ineffective in finding a job and marketing themselves, they might not be effective in other tasks. Questions arise as to why this candidate has not been recruited yet and if the company is missing out on some important data that could skew the hiring decision south."

Another disadvantage to an extended job search is that, as time passes, Vainrub says the clock ticks for the job seeker and he or she becomes increasingly anxious or desperate to find a job.

"We can become demoralized from negative employer responses," she says. "[An applicant's] self-esteem decreases from the negative feedback [and] rejection. This can prevent professionals from portraying themselves positively, as they would in a regular situation, when they have job security."

Indeed, Wilson says she has problems dealing with personal negative feedback and feeling like she's never good enough.

"It's hard to maintain a constant, positive, upbeat attitude. After several rejections, it's really hard not to take it personally," Wilson says. "Employers have the choose-the-cream-of-the-crop situation going for them right now. I repeatedly tell myself, if the employer just knew me -- my qualifications, my personality, my work ethics -- he or she would hire me immediately and never regret it."

If your job search is taking years, here are seven tips to stay motivated and speed up the process:

1. Pump yourself up

Employers can smell fear, desperation and anxiety from a mile away. Show strength, perseverance, optimism and a good work ethic in your interview rather than a bad attitude. "Looking for a job for a long time is a particularly unrewarding experience and it generally will show in your interview," says Art Koff, founder of RetiredBrains.com. As hard as it may be, don't approach each interview with the negativity that you feel.

2. Network

Networking is obviously not a well-kept secret, but many people still can't grasp its power. Wilson says being unemployed allows her to grow her network daily, and most of the interviews she's gotten have been through networking.

"Look for jobs more intensively through relationship-building than through any other source," Vainrub says. "Find ways to connect to professionals and develop your network."

3. Seek part-time and project-based opportunities

The longer you are out of practice in your field, the less desirable you are as a candidate. Find ways to stay active in your industry, if only for a few hours each day, Vainrub says.

"Part-time and temporary work can lead to a full-time job if you perform very well and impress decision-makers and co-workers. Sometimes, it even leads to a new career path as an entrepreneur," she says.

4. Revamp your résumé

The résumé you used in your last job search is probably no longer appropriate. Consider having your résumé rewritten or updated by an expert, Koff suggests. You might be leaving off important information or missing several grammatical mistakes.

5. Offer to work temporarily

Many workers are looking only for full-time work, so if you can accept something other than that, you might have an advantage.

6. Ask an expert

You don't want to go to an interview with an employer you are really interested in working for and make easily correctable mistakes, Koff says. Practice your interview beforehand.

"If you are getting interviews but missing out on opportunities, consult with a professional career and interview coach," Vainrub says. "Understanding how to tackle hard questions is an art that can be mastered."

7. Redirect your job search

Consider looking for work in areas that are different from your past job experience, Koff suggests. "If you've been out of work for a year or more, it is likely that the job market for people with your expertise is just not there," he says. "Find something else or check with other parts of the country that may have an opportunity." ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Help! My Job Search is Taking Years!